K.I.S.S.

K.I.S.S.

KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID

By Bob Allen

Based on the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican – Luke 18:9-14

Characters

                        BethAnn                     A teenage girl

                        Roger                          A teenage boy

Summary:        Roger would love to ask Beth Ann for a date but he just can’t keep it simple.  Instead he tries all the conversational clichés and empty phrases he can think of which substitute for genuine discourse.  He talks to her the way many people talk to God, just saying prayers instead of really carrying on a conversation.

Costumes:       Roger and Beth Ann should both wear casual school clothes.

Setting:            A park bench in front of the high school.  Beth Ann is seated on the bench.  Roger enters and stands watching her.

Time:               The present. 

BETH ANN:   Hello?  Are you looking for someone?  Is there some way I could help you?

ROGER:         (Reads)  Thank you for the offer sweet

                        Thank you for the place to meet.

                        Thank you for the way you sing.

                        Thanks, Beth Ann, for everything.

BETH ANN:   Say what?

ROGER:         (Reading)  Thank you for the offer sweet…

BETH ANN:   I heard you the first time.  Are you for real? 

ROGER:         Beth Ann’s great.  Beth Ann’s good.

                        Welcome to the neighborhood.

BETH ANN:   What do you want?  What’s with the little poems?  If you have something to say, just say it to me.

ROGER:         Now I sit upon your bench;
I ask thee, Beth, my hand to clench.

BETH ANN:   Stop it!  Don’t treat me like I’m some escapee from “A Child’s Garden of Verses.”  Talk to me, not at me.

ROGER:         Beth Ann, who art on the park bench,

                        Boldly I speak thy name.

                        My time has come, for I’m not dumb,

                        Like others who’ve come before.

                        Give me this day my honest due,

                        I’m smarter than all those who’ve dated you.

                        I’ll lead you not to vexation

                        For mine is the position, the standing

                        And the fame which you deserve forever.

BETH ANN:   You can’t be serious.  Can’t you just say what you’re thinking instead of quoting someone else?

ROGER:         Now I come to state my case

                        I pray you, listen to my face.

                        I’ll just die if you don’t date me,

                        Please don’t tell me if you hate me.

BETH ANN:   Listen, buster.  If you want a date all you have to do is ask.  This is ridiculous.  Whoever taught you to talk to a girl like that?

ROGER:         (Reads)  Bless every boy in every place,

                        As you have blessed this bench with grace.

BETH ANN:   You’re crazy.  You’re absolutely crazy.

ROGER:         Beth Ann’s good, Beth Ann’s great.

                        She’d make a terrific date.

BETH ANN:   Forget it.  And let me give you a bit of advice.  No one else will listen to you if you talk that way either.

THE END