Three Blind Mice As Monitored by the Political Correctness Spokesperson

THREE BLIND MICE

AS MONITORED BY THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS SPOKESPERSON

Adapted by Bob Allen

CAST OF CHARACTERS

                        Three Blind Mice                    Vocal Trio

                        Spokesperson                          Political Correctness Spokesperson

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three blind mice, three blind mice

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        No!  No!  No!  You cannot use the word blind.  That is demeaning.  You must say defective vision.  And they are not mice.  They are rodents.

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they run.  See how they run.

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        Stop.  That is terrible.  Noses run and sores run.  You can’t insult your animal companions that way.  Animals must be respected.  Rodents don’t run—they perambulate.

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they perambulate.  See how they perambulate.  They all ran after the farmer’s wife.

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        Farmer’s wife?  Are you just asking for a lawsuit?  That’s gender bias.  You are just assuming the farmer is a male.  You must use the non-gender designation “agriculturalist.”  And besides, it’s not a wife, it’s a significant other.

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they perambulate.  See how they perambulate.  They all ran after the agriculturalist’s significant other.  She cut off their tails with a carving knife.

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        Unbelievable! Inconceivable!  Violence in our enlightened age?  You can’t say “carving knife.”  “She removed their extremities with a kitchen utensil.”

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they perambulate.  See how they perambulate.  They all ran after the agriculturalist’s significant other.  She removed their extremities with a kitchen utensil.  Have you ever seen such a sight in your life?

SFX:                WHISTLE

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Now what’s wrong?

SPOKES:        Nothing really.  It just doesn’t fit with all of the rest of your politically correct verbosity.  Try “have you even seen such an unusual phenomena?”

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  ALL RIGHT!  (SINGING AS A ROUND)

                        Three rodents with defective vision

                        Three rodents with defective vision

                        See how they perambulate.

                        See how they perambulate.

                        They all ran after the agriculturalist’s significant other.

                        She removed their extremities with a kitchen utensil.

                        Have you ever seen such an unusual phenomena?

                        As three rodents with defective vision.

THE END

                       

A Doctor's Advice - What if Mary had visited a modern CLINIC?

A DOCTOR’S ADVICE

By Bob Allen

Cast of Characters

                                    Mary                            A teenager

                                    Doctor                         A doctor

                                    Nurse                           A nurse

“Then said Mary unto the angel, how shall this be seeing I know not a man?”

Luke 1:34

Scene

            A doctor’s office in a modern clinic, cold and impersonal.  Mary is seated while the nurse stands over her with a clipboard.  A sign announcing THE CLINIC sits on a desk.

NURSE:          The doctor will be in shortly, but in the meantime let’s get some of the information he will be needing.  Your age?

MARY:           Sixteen.

NURSE:          Sixteen.  And your general health condition?

MARY:           Good, I think.

NURSE:          No asthma, pneumonia or allergies?

MARY:           No.

NURSE:          No heart, blood or liver problems?

MARY:           No.

NURSE:          No reaction to any medicine?

MARY:           I really don’t know.  I haven’t had much medicine.

NURSE:          History of insanity in the family?

MARY:           Of course not.

NURSE:          Well, we have to ask.  Now, when did you first realize you were expecting?

MARY:           About three months ago.

NURSE:          Three months.  (Write on clipboard as DOCTOR enters)

NURSE:          Come in, Doctor.  We were just finishing up.

DOCTOR:      (Checking clipboard)  Thank you.  Mother and baby doing fine I see.  No dizziness?

MARY:           No, sir.

DOCTOR:      Eating regularly?

MARY:           Yes, sir.  Probably too much.

NURSE:          Well, that is certainly understandable.

DOCTOR:      Let me see.  Three months along.  Sixteen years old.  Could I ask just a couple more questions?

MARY:           Certainly.

DOCTOR:      Are you married?

MARY:           No.

DOCTOR:      I see.  Planning to get married?

MARY:           Yes.

DOCTOR:      And does he know?

MARY:           Not yet.  I have been waiting for the right time to tell him.

DOCTOR:      And your parents?

MARY:           No.  I am going to have to tell them soon as well.

DOCTOR:      I see.  Nurse, I think standard procedure is in order here.  You proceed and I will be back in a few minutes with my final diagnosis.  (He exits)

NURSE:          Yes, sir.

MARY:           What did he mean by standard procedure?  Is everything all right?

NURSE:          Everything is just fine.  He only wants to be sure that you know all the facts.  Listen, young lady.  Have you thought about how this pregnancy will affect your future?

MARY:           My future?

NURSE:          You’re only sixteen.  You have a full life ahead of you.  A great life.  One full of wonderful potential.

MARY:           Yes, a great life.  This is a wonderful blessing.

NURSE:          You don’t understand.  It may seem like that just now.  But think of how this will cramp your lifestyle.  Are you sure you are ready to care for a child?  What about education?  What about a career? 

MARY:           This is not just a child.  This child was given to me by God.

NURSE:          Oh, I see.  So you are religious.  Well, that’s all right.  It doesn’t really change anything.  You still have to face the facts.  The chance of a teenage marriage succeeding is almost nil.  What will you do if this man decides not to marry you?  What if he refuses to take responsibility?

MARY:           He would never do that.

NURSE:          Oh?  It happens all the time.  Do you have a job?

MARY:           No.

NURSE:          So how will you support yourself and a child?

MARY:           Nothing is impossible with God.

NURSE:          Right.  Tell that to the bill collector.  What do you think will be the reaction of your friends and neighbors?

MARY:           They probably won’t understand.  I didn’t understand before…

NURSE:          They certainly won’t.  That’s why you need to consider all your options.  You don’t have to carry this fetus to full term you know.

MARY:           But you don’t understand.

NURSE:          No.  YOU don’t understand.  There is no reason why you should put yourself through the trauma of childbirth at your age.  It’s just not necessary.

MARY:           So what are you suggesting?

NURSE:          That’s not up to me.  I am just preparing you for the doctor’s advice.  I’m just making sure you know all the facts.

MARY:           The facts?  I know the facts.  An angel appeared to me and told me I would have a son and that He would be called the Son of God.

NURSE:          The Son of God?  (Writes a note on the clipboard).  I think we’d better get the doctor back in here.

DOCTOR:      (Enters)  Well, any further developments?

NURSE:          Just this.  (Hands him the clipboard).

DOCTOR:      A history of insanity?  Well, that just confirms my earlier diagnosis.  Mary, my advice to you is to have an abortion, and the sooner the better.

THE END

The Seven Deadly Sins Go West - What's Yours Is Mine

THE

 

SEVEN DEADLY SINS GO WEST

What’s Yours Is Mine

By Bob Allen

“But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not,

and lie not against the truth.”  James 3:14

“For where envying and strife is, there

is contention and every evil work.”  James 3:16

Deadly Sin: Envy

CHARACTERS

          Rocky Rhodes                                               –A western cowboy.

            Lonely Rhodes                                               - Rocky’s long-lost brother.

            Sidewinder Sam                                            - Lonely’s sidekick.

           

SCENE

            THE ENTRANCE TO A GOLD MINE.  ROUGH-CUT TIMBERS FORM A DOOR INTO THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN.  ROCKY KNEELS OUTSIDE THE DOOR SEPARATING ORE FROM THE MINE INTO TWO PILES.  LONELY AND SAM SNEAK UP BEHIND HIM, GUNS ALREADY DRAWN.

SAM:                          Hands up, varmint!

ROCKY:                     (SEES THE GUNS AND SLOWLY RAISES BOTH HANDS.)                                        Do I…

LONELY:                   Quiet!  We’ll tell you when you can talk.

SAM:                          (WALKING BEHIND ROCKY AND TURNING HIS FACE SO                                                HE HAS TO LOOK AT LONELY)  Do you know who this is?                                          Look real close now.  Just like looking in a mirror, huh?  Bet you                                          thought you’d never see your brother again after all these years.                                           Yes sirree.  This is what I call a family reunion.

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.

SAM:                          Sure, sure.  Just lettin’ him know whose mine this is going to be.                                         But you go ahead and tell him.  What’s yours is mine.  Get it?  It’s                                             mine.  The mine is mine. Hah, hah, hah.  Funny, huh?

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.  I don’t want the mine.

SAM:                          (STEPS INTO THE DOOR OF THE MINE AND WAVES HIS                                       GUN AT LONELY)  But you said!  I heard you with my one good                                    ear.   We are going down to my brother’s place to take his most                                      valuable possessions.   What could be more valuable than this gold                                                mine?

LONELY:                   Tell him, Rocky.

ROCKY:                     Tell him, what?

LONELY:                   Your most valuable possessions.  What you value the most.

ROCKY:                     Well, that would have to be my love for Samantha, and my faith in                                                 God, and the joy I get out of just living out here on the range.

LONELY:                   (GRABS SAM BY THE FRONT OF THE SHIRT AND LIFTS                                        HIM OFF THE GROUND.)  See!  That’s why I hate him.  He’s                                         happy.

SAM:                          So!  We take his gold and make him unhappy.

LONELY:                   Won’t work.  Tell him, Rocky.

ROCKY:                     You can have the gold.

SAM:                          We can?  We’re rich.  The mine is mine. 

LONELY:                   (DROPS SAM ON THE GROUND.)  But he’s still happy.

SAM:                          So am I.  Never been happier.  Reno!  Nevada City!  Las Vegas!                                         Here I come.

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.  We’re not here to make you happy.  We’re here to                                        make him unhappy.

SAM:                          (GETS IN LONELY’S FACE)  Let me get this straight.  You don’t                                   want the mine.  You don’t want to be rich.  You don’t want me to                                      be happy.  You just want to make your brother unhappy.

LONELY:                   You’ve got it.  I hate him being happy.  He’s always been happy.                                        That’s why I left home.  And that’s why I’ve come back. 

ROCKY:                     But Lonely.  You can have what makes me happy.  Samantha has a                                     sister who has always thought you were a good catch.

LONELY:                   I don’t WANT anyone to love me.  I just want to see you unloved                                      like I’ve been all my life.  I want YOU to feel MY pain.

ROCKY:                     And you know you can share my faith.  Mom and Dad still pray                                         for you every day.  God has promised to forgive.

LONELY:                   I have no use for faith.  What would I do with faith.  I just don’t                                        want you to have any faith.  Cause faith makes you happy.

SAM:                          How about his home on the range?  We could take that away from                                      him.  Not just the mine, but the whole ranch.  You could become a                                               cowboy.  Have you always wanted to be a cowboy?  I always                                         thought it would be fun to wear cowboy boots with those pointy                                            toes so you can kill spiders in the corners.

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.  I hate the ranch.  Why do you think I left?  But                                            Rocky here always liked it.  He gets joy from riding all day in the                                       hot sun just to patch a couple holes in the barbed wire.  He gets joy                                     from pulling a steer out of a snowdrift when the temperatures forty                                       below.  I hate it when he’s happy.  I hate it.  I hate it.

SAM:                          Whew!  This is a side of you I have never seen.  You’re turning so                                      green, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were the Incredible                                           Hulk.  Green with envy?  Incredible Hulk?  Get it?

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.

ROCKY:                     I’m glad you’re home, Lonely.   Mom and Dad still have a place                                         for you in their bunkhouse. 

LONELY:                   You’re glad?  My coming back has made you happy?

ROCKY:                     You had better believe it.  We’ve been hoping you would come                                           back ever since you left without opening your Christmas gifts.

LONELY:                   So, if I left again you would be unhappy?

ROCKY:                     Please don’t leave.  Mom and Dad want to see you. 

LONELY:                   And it will make you sad to have to tell them that I came back and                                                 refused to stay?

ROCKY:                     Of course.  We love you, Lonely.  You’re family.

LONELY:                   Come on, Sam.  Let’s get out of here.

SAM:                          Are you crazy?  I’m rich.  This here’s a gold mine.  A gold mine.                                         The mine in mine!

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.  If I can take away his happiness by leaving I’ll be                                        the happiest man in the west.  It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted                                             in all the world—the chance to make my brother unhappy.  This is                                                 the greatest day of my life.  (GRABS SAM BY THE BACK OF                                         THE SHIRT AND STARTS TO DRAG HIM AWAY.) 

SAM:                          This was the greatest day of my life, too.  I was a rich man for five                                                 minutes.  If you didn’t hate your brother so much, I could have                                           been rich the rest of my life.  This could have been the first day of                                           the rest of my life.  Mine.  The mine could have been mine.

LONELY:                   Shut up, Sam.  I’m happy!

THE END

DISCUSSION  QUESTIONS

1. Why is envy considered a deadly sin?
2. Why does envy desire the unhappiness of someone else?
3. How does envy rob a person of the very emotion which they think will make them happy?
4. Does envy have any real ability to rob others of happiness?
5. Why does James 3:14 connect envy with strife?
6. How does a person who falls prey to envy lie against the truth?
7. Why does James 3:16 say that envy leads to other forms of evil?
8. What spirit did Rocky demonstrate by his willingness to give up the gold mine?
9. Why couldn’t Lonely be satisfied with seeing Rocky lose material wealth?
10. How does envy cause a person to be more concerned with someone else’s unhappiness than with his own happiness?
11. How can a person consumed by envy begin to overcome that particular sin in his or her life?