THE
SEVEN DEADLY SINS GO WEST
Stolen Waters
By Bob Allen
“Drink waters out
of thine own cistern,
and running waters
out of thine own well.”
Proverbs 5:15
“Stolen waters are
sweet…but he knoweth not
that the dead are
there;”
Proverbs 9:17-18
Deadly Sin: Lust
CHARACTERS
Rocky Rhodes – A western cowboy.
Sarsaparilla
Stu
-The soda jerk.
Buck
Harkins
-Rocky’s neighbor.
Edgar
-A corpse.
SCENE
SARSAPARILLA STU’S SODA FOUNTAIN. STU STANDS BEHIND THE SODA FOUNTAIN
WITH A ROW OF GLASSES IN FRONT OF HIM. ROCKY AND BUCK SIT AT A TABLE
ALONG WITH EDGAR. THREE WATER GLASSES ARE ON THE TABLE. EDGAR CAN
BE A MANNIKIN, OBVIOUSLY DEAD, OR AN ACTOR WHO PLAYS DEAD THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE
SKIT.
BUCK:
(READING MENU.) Hot diggety prairie dog. Stu’s got a new
drink.
Stolen Waters. Let’s have some, Rocky.
ROCKY:
(HOLDS UP HIS WATER GLASS.) Not on your life. This here
drink was given to me by my own darling
Samantha. Nothin’ else
will ever pass my lips.
BUCK:
But it looks so---refreshing! (SHOWS HIM THE MENU.)
ROCKY:
(LOOKING AWAY.) Nope. Don’t even want to see it.
BUCK:
Ah, come on. Just because you’ve ordered doesn’t mean you can’t look
at the menu.
STU:
It’s one of our favorites, men. Stolen Waters—Pure as the driven
snow.
ROCKY:
And deadly as that arsenic-laced well down by the old silver mine.
STU:
Now, Rocky. Would I serve poison water to my guests?
BUCK:
It’ll be an adventure. Aren’t you tired of the same old, same old?
ROCKY:
Not a bit. I made a promise to my darling Samantha and I have no
intention of breaking that promise.
BUCK:
But no one will ever know.
STU:
That’s right. What happens at Sarsaparilla Stus stays at
Sarsaparilla
Stus.
ROCKY:
Is that why Edgar’s still sitting here? What did he drink?
BUCK:
Must have been something good. Ain’t seen him so happy since
the
time he thought he had won the lottery. Turned out the number he
thought was 999 was actually 666.
STU:
Must have been dyslexic.
BUCK:
No, he just had the card upside down.
ROCKY:
So, what did old Edgar here have to drink, your new Stolen
Waters?
STU:
As a matter of fact, he did. Enjoyed every minute of it too.
ROCKY:
Until it killed him.
BUCK:
He’s dead?
ROCKY:
Looks dead to me.
STU:
Nah, he ain’t dead. Just enjoying the after effects of a good
drink.
(STU CROSSES TO EDGAR, STANDS BEHIND HIM AND
MOVES HIS ARMS ONTO THE TABLE.)
BUCK:
(LOUDER THAN NECESSARY) Hey Edgar. How did you like
the
drink?
STU:
(MOVING EDGAR’S ARMS AND TALKING FOR HIM.)
Delightful. Delectable. Delicious. Best water I ever drank.
Sweeter
than wine.
BUCK:
Hot tamale! I gotta have some of that. This water I’ve been
drinking ain’t got no spizerinctum no more. Come on Rocky. Show
a little of that independent spirit of the west. Toss off a drink
of them there Stolen Waters.
STU:
(STILL SPEAKING FOR EDGAR.) Greatest night of my life. I
didn’t know what it was to live until I drank some of
Sarsaparilla
Stu’s
Stolen Waters.
ROCKY:
(PICKS UP EDGAR’S ARM AND LETS IT DROP BACK
ONTO THE TABLE.) Still looks dead to me.
BUCK:
(STANDS AND CROSSES TO THE SODA BAR.) One cold, frosty
mug of Stolen Waters. And make it snappy. I’m thirsty.
STU:
(LEAVES EDGAR AND RESUMES HIS PLACE BEHIND THE
BAR.) Coming right
up. One frothy mug of the sweetest Stolen
Waters
your palate will ever savor.
ROCKY:
That’s because it’s the last water your palate will ever savor.
STU:
Listen here, Rocky. I don’t appreciate your insinuations. This
here water ain’t poison.
BUCK:
(GLASS IN HAND, RESUMES HIS SEAT AT THE TABLE.)
Delightful.
Delectable. Delicious. Just like Edgar said.
ROCKY:
Edgar didn’t say anything. He’s dead, Buck. Stone cold dead.
And I think it was the Stolen Waters that killed him.
STU:
(COMING FROM
BEHIND THE BAR.) It ain’t so. And you
better be taking those words back. Them’s fighting
words to a
law-abiding, upright, businessman like me.
BUCK:
(TAKES A LONG DRINK.) Couldn’t be the drink. Best water I ever had.
ROCKY:
All right. Then if your Stolen Waters didn’t kill him, what did?
BUCK:
(DRINKING AGAIN.) Ohhh! This is soooo gooooood! You
have
to try some, Rocky.
ROCKY:
What killed him, Stu?
STU:
Well, if you have to know. The Stolen Waters really are stolen.
They come from a well over on the Hitchcock place. And when
old Amos heard that Edgar was drinking from his well—well, he
just walked right through those swinging doors and plugged him.
Right through the heart with a Colt 45.
BUCK:
(SPITTING OUT THE WATER THAT IS STILL IN HIS
MOUTH.)
Dead?
STU:
But it weren’t the drink that killed him. Nosirree! I ain’t serving
no
poison water.
BUCK:
(TAKES THE GLASS BACK TO THE SODA BAR.) Quick.
Give me something else. Anything.
STU:
Too late. Old Amos Hitchcock will be walking through
that door about any time now I expect.
BUCK:
Amos? Colt 45? (RUNS TO THE TABLE AND PULLS
EDGAR
ONTO THE FLOOR. SEATS HIMSELF IN EDGAR’S
CHAIR AND PLAYS DEAD.) Do I look dead enough, Rocky?
STU:
Expect you’ll look dead soon enough if you don’t already.
ROCKY:
Why do you keep serving them Stolen Waters Stu?
STU:
Supply and demand, Rocky. Supply and demand.
THE END
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- Why is lust considered one of the deadly sins?
- Why does Proverbs 9:17-18 compare lust to stolen waters?
- How does lust seem to be sweet when first encountered?
- Why does Buck compare lust to an adventure?
- What protects Rocky from the temptation to lust?
- What advice does Provrebs 5:15 provide in order to keep a person from engaging in lustful behavior?
- How will dedicating oneself to strengthening a marriage be a strong defense against the sin of lust?
- What other danger does lust entail besides the potential of revenge by a wronged spouse?
- Why does lust seem so attractive even to those who know its dangers?
- Why do people like Stu keep providing others with materials which feed their lustful behavior?
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