Three Blind Mice As Monitored by the Political Correctness Spokesperson

THREE BLIND MICE

AS MONITORED BY THE POLITICAL CORRECTNESS SPOKESPERSON

Adapted by Bob Allen

CAST OF CHARACTERS

                        Three Blind Mice                    Vocal Trio

                        Spokesperson                          Political Correctness Spokesperson

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three blind mice, three blind mice

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        No!  No!  No!  You cannot use the word blind.  That is demeaning.  You must say defective vision.  And they are not mice.  They are rodents.

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they run.  See how they run.

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        Stop.  That is terrible.  Noses run and sores run.  You can’t insult your animal companions that way.  Animals must be respected.  Rodents don’t run—they perambulate.

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they perambulate.  See how they perambulate.  They all ran after the farmer’s wife.

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        Farmer’s wife?  Are you just asking for a lawsuit?  That’s gender bias.  You are just assuming the farmer is a male.  You must use the non-gender designation “agriculturalist.”  And besides, it’s not a wife, it’s a significant other.

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they perambulate.  See how they perambulate.  They all ran after the agriculturalist’s significant other.  She cut off their tails with a carving knife.

SFX:                WHISTLE

SPOKES:        Unbelievable! Inconceivable!  Violence in our enlightened age?  You can’t say “carving knife.”  “She removed their extremities with a kitchen utensil.”

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Three rodents with defective vision.  Three rodents with defective vision.  See how they perambulate.  See how they perambulate.  They all ran after the agriculturalist’s significant other.  She removed their extremities with a kitchen utensil.  Have you ever seen such a sight in your life?

SFX:                WHISTLE

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  Now what’s wrong?

SPOKES:        Nothing really.  It just doesn’t fit with all of the rest of your politically correct verbosity.  Try “have you even seen such an unusual phenomena?”

TRIO:              (IN UNISON)  ALL RIGHT!  (SINGING AS A ROUND)

                        Three rodents with defective vision

                        Three rodents with defective vision

                        See how they perambulate.

                        See how they perambulate.

                        They all ran after the agriculturalist’s significant other.

                        She removed their extremities with a kitchen utensil.

                        Have you ever seen such an unusual phenomena?

                        As three rodents with defective vision.

THE END