THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT
GOES WEST
Feudin’, Fightin’, and Fussin’
By Bob Allen
“The fruit of the
Spirit is…peace.” (Galatians 5:22)
“Blessed are the
peacemakers.” (Matthew 5:9)
CHARACTERS
Rocky Rodes – A true-blue, rootin’-tootin’
Western cowboy.
Hank
Hill -
A neighbor
“Bear” Dawson - Another neighbor
SCENE
Hank has
been caught by “Bear” in the act of moving a stake out in the middle of the
prairie. Nothing but sand and cactus
and prairie grass can be seen.
BEAR: Hold
it right there you yellow-livered land-grabber. Caught you red- handed.
(STEPS FROM BEHIND A ROCK)
HANK: Who’s
the land-grabber? This piece of prairie
has been in my family since
the great land rush.
BEAR: Wasn’t
yours then and it ain’t yours now. (GRABS
AND STAKE AND
TRIES TO MOVE IT A FOOT BACK TOWARD HANK.)
HANK: Move
that stake and I’ll use it to mark your grave.
(GRAPPLES WITH
BEAR OVER THE STAKE.)
BEAR: Steal
any more Dawson
land and my boys will see to it that we are plumb
out of neighbors next week. (BOTH MEN
HAVE HOLD OF THE
STAKE AND ARE WRESTLING OVER IT WHEN ROCKY ENTERS.)
ROCKY: Whatcha’
got there boys? One of them there
twirlin’ batons from the high
school band? (BOTH MEN DROP THE STAKE.)
BEAR: Caught
him stealing my land, moving his border stake one foot, right onto my property.
HANK: It
was my foot to start with.
BEAR: My
foot it was your foot.
ROCKY: (LOOKS
RIGHT AND LEFT.) Seems like there’s
plenty of land here
for the both of you. What’s the problem?
BEAR: (TAKES
FOOT AND TRIES TO SLIDE THE STAKE TOWARD HANK.) Might just come a day when the drillers find
oil in that strip of
land.
HANK: The
wife can see this piece of prairie from her kitchen window, and it just bugs the daylight
out of her to stand there doin’ dishes and lookin’
at land that was stolen from us by the Dawsons. (KICKS THE STAKE
BACK TOWARD BEAR.)
ROCKY: But
your wife WAS a Dawson.
HANK: Don’t
make no never mind. She’s a Hill
now. ‘Sides, that’s how she knows it was
stolen. Heard her old man crowin’ about
it when she was
just a kid.
BEAR: Pop
didn’t steal no land. Your poor excuse
for a grandfather lost it to
him in a poker game. His eyes were so
crossed he couldn’t keep a straight
face.
HANK: Why you
yellow-bellied snake-in-the-grass. (BOTH
MEN DIVE FOR THE STAKE AND
START FIGHTING OVER IT.
ROCKY: (STEPS BETWEEN THE MEN AND SEPARATES
THEM AS THEY KEEP TRYING VAINLY TO PUNCH EACH OTHER.) Quit your fightin’.
HANK: He started it.
BEAR: You’re just as cross-eyed as your old
man.
ROCKY: Listen up. I think I’ve got an answer for y’all.
BEAR: Nothin’ goin’ to satisfy me as long
as he’s still my nighbor.
HANK: Much as I love my wife, I may get a
divorce just so you won’t be my brother-in-law.
ROCKY: Well, what if you weren’t neighbors?
HANK: Weren’t neighbors? I ain’t gonna’ move.
BEAR: The Dawsons been living on this land for more
generations than I can count.
HANK: Two?
BEAR: Huh?
(FINALLY UNDERSTANDS THE INSULT)
Why you low-down…
ROCKY: Neither one of you has to move. Just give the land away and you won’t be
neighbors any more.
HANK: Give one foot of land away? What good would that do?
BEAR: You know someone who would be
interested in one foot of prairie? Who
would take it?
ROCKY: God!
Give the land to God.
HANK: But what would He do with it?
ROCKY: He would make peace. Do you reckon your wife would be upset to
look out at a piece of land that belongs to God?
HANK: All right. We’ll give it to God.
BEAR: Better him than you.
(HANK AND BEAR STAND OVER THE
TOP OF THE FALLEN STAKE AND BRIEFLY SHAKE HANDS.)
ROCKY: “And the fruit of righteousness is sown
in peace of them that make peace.”
(James 3:18).
