The Fruit of the Spirit Goes West - Cactus Sitting

 

 

 

THE FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT

GOES WEST

CACTUS SITTING

By Bob Allen

Galatians 5:22  “The fruit of the Spirit is self-control…”

CHARACTERS

            Rocky Rodes                                     – A true-blue, rootin’-tootin’

Western cowboy.

            Cactus Pete                                        -An acquaintance.

SCENE

            Cactus Pete sits in the middle of the prairie on a large cactus.  Rocky discovers him when he starts to howl like a coyote in a trap.

CACTUS:                  Aooooooouuuh!  Aoooooouuhh!  Ouch!

ROCKY:                    Got a problem, cowpoke?

CACTUS:                  No.  Why don’t you mind your own business.  Ouch!

ROCKY:                    If I didn’t know better I’d swear you’re sitting on a cactus.

CACTUS:                  So?  What’s it to you?  Are you one of those guys who’s trying                                       to outlaw cactus sitting?

ROCKY:                    The last time I checked, cactus sitting wasn’t a very comfortable way to spend an afternoon. (ROCKY CIRCLES AROUND BEHIND CACTUS AND CACTUS SCOOTS ON HIS BACKSIDE TO FOLLOW THE MOVEMENT.)

CACTUS:                  Have you ever tried it?   Ouch!

ROCKY;                    Nah.  Can’t say that I have.

CACTUS:                  That’s just the trouble with you religious types.  Always                                      knocking what you’ve never even tried.

ROCKY:                    Well, I have been pricked a few times.

CACTUS:                  Not the same.  Not at all the same.  A00000UUH!

ROCKY:                    You need help, pardner.  Here, let me give you a hand.  (ROCKY GRABS A HAND AND TRIES TO PULL HIM OFF THE CACTUS.)

CACTUS:                  Keep your cactus-picking hands to yourself.   You hate me.                                            You are trying to take away my civil rights.

ROCKY:                    Has to hurt. Needles and all.

CACTUS:                  Of course it hurts.  But the government is working on a cure.

ROCKY:                    For cactus sitting?

CACTUS:                  Certainly.  Top priority. 

ROCKY:                    Why don’t you just quit?

CACTUS:                  Why don’t you just shove off.  This is my lifestyle.  I was born                                        to sit on cacti.

ROCKY:                    But the pain?  The agony?  Why put yourself through that?

CACTUS:                  I couldn’t quit if I wanted to.   I have no control over my pre-                                         disposition to cactus sitting.  It’s as much a part of me as my                                           skin color.

ROCKY:                    But you could just as easily sit on scrub brush.  It wouldn’t                                             be nearly as painful.

CACTUS:                  I find no pleasure in scrub brush sitting.  But I love to sit on                                           cactus.  Nothing in all the world makes me happier.                                                         AOOOOOUUUH!   Ouch!

(ROCKY WALKS AROUND BEHIND CACTUS PETE AND GRABBING HIM SUDDENLY BY HIS SHOULDERS PUSHES HIM ONTO HIS FEET AND OUT OF THE CACTUS.)

ROCKY:                    There!   Doesn’t that feel better?

CACTUS:                  (CACTUS MOVES AROUND AND DOESN’T FEEL THE                                         CACTUS PRICKS.)  Ooooh!   That does feel better.  What did                                                 you do?

ROCKY:                    I took you out of the cactus. 

CACTUS:                  No way.  It’s not the cactus that causes the pain. 

(CACTUS TRIES TO GET BACK TO HIS CACTUS, BUT ROCKY STANDS IN THE WAY.)

ROCKY:                    Just exercise a little self-control.

CACTUS:                  (SHOUTING)  Police brutality.  Discrimination. 

ROCKY:                    (KEEPING HIM FROM THE CACTUS.)   Give yourself some                                    space.  Take your time.  Think about it.  There is help                                                     available.

CACTUS:                  You can’t do this to me.  I want my lawyer.  You have no right                                      to tell me how to live my life.  (SHOVES PAST HIM AND                                      ENDS UP FACE DOWN IN THE CACTUS.)                                                                   Aoooooooouuuuh!   Aooooooouuuh!  Ouch!  Tell Congress to                                        hurry up with that cure.

ROCKY:                    “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his                                              folly.”  (Prov. 26:11).